Memememeee

1. I've come to realize that my ex... has a serious case of bitchtits.

2. I am listening to...my cat, snoring.

3. I talk...frequently about weird subjects.

4. I love...poking people with forks.

5. My best friends...know when I'm serious, and when I'm not.

6. My first real kiss...was my second cousin, in a travel trailor that had been converted into a "clubhouse". Sad, but true.

7. I lost my virginity...to a Guns and Roses song, Patience. Oi. After a prom! double oi!

8. I hate it when people...Have been smoking so much, for so long that the smell comes out of their pores, and then they talk to me.

9. Love is...widely missunderstood, and badly used.

10. Marriage is...a legal contract.

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...and it probably hurts, like when you try to do a split for the first time.

13. I have a secret crush on...Wow...no one at the moment.

14. The last time I cried was because...I had my period, and we were watching Happy Feet. I give that movie a score of two Bambi on the traumatic cinema scale.

15. My cell phone...needs it's horror theme back

16. When I wake up in the morning.......I pray that Brian's allarm will die a horrid death.

17. Before I go to sleep at night...I check th doors and windows, and turn everything off

18. Right now I am thinking about...pervy stuff

20. I get on LiveJournal...To vent and share, and to catch up with the days of my friends.

21. Today, I will...eat more cookies, and be a geek on the puter.

22. Tonight, I will...see above.

23. Tomorrow, I will...help Brian get Camo off to the vets, then later go to work.

24. I really want...Everything!

25. The person most likely to repost this is...I have no idea. Maybe blowdry

Holiday Eating Tips

I don't know the original source. I'm stealing from reecefairy.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's the holidays!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted holiday cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season!