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teagueI had doubts of my polyamorousness. Yes...It's true. I had the chance to sleep with someone that I at least used to be somewhat attracted to, my friend Blake, and I found myself having no desire. I had to pause, and think. Was it because I didn't find Blake attractive any longer? Or had I lost the urge. I think I figured out afew things.
1) Actually...while I still love Blake to death, I think I am no longer very attracted. That's not to say I find him repulsive. Far from it. If I had been horny enough, I might have tipped.
2) I am still poly, but I have complications. I'm socially anxious, and don't really like meeting new people without alot of prep work. Also I was severely burned by a couple of ex's, and just because you are poly doesn't mean someone can't break your heart. I'm not looking for a casual thing. If I allow another mate to come into my life, and family unit, I intend to have a real relationship, and it's kinda difficult to get various details to all line up. He has to be available. He has to want the same thing. He has to not want to compete with Brian. It would help if he was locationally nearby.
3) The only men I have already met or talked to that meet even the minimal standards of my being attracted are married, don't live close enough, or are gay. (Ironicly I get the most online romance from the gay person.)
4) And finally, my emotional needs are being met, between Brian, and the folks I am having torrid online love affairs with. That sort of makes it so a man who would want to come in would have to bring other resources. It may sound wrong, but honestly, I don't *need* more sex. I need new glasses, and a new scanner, and camera, and suchlike. If I met a man who blew my doors off, but was poor, he'd still have to be at least self sustaining. We can't afford a child, we damn sure can't afford to adopt no adult.
So in a nut shell, that is the answer for anyone who wonders why Shannon says she's poly, but doesn't have a boyfriend (or girlfriend). I don't have a craving for new romance. I don't need the drama. I want extra helpings of security, and affection, and I'm willing to reciprocate, but I don't *need* extra. Not in the sense that I'm not getting any now. I'm open, but I'm waiting...not searching.
1) Actually...while I still love Blake to death, I think I am no longer very attracted. That's not to say I find him repulsive. Far from it. If I had been horny enough, I might have tipped.
2) I am still poly, but I have complications. I'm socially anxious, and don't really like meeting new people without alot of prep work. Also I was severely burned by a couple of ex's, and just because you are poly doesn't mean someone can't break your heart. I'm not looking for a casual thing. If I allow another mate to come into my life, and family unit, I intend to have a real relationship, and it's kinda difficult to get various details to all line up. He has to be available. He has to want the same thing. He has to not want to compete with Brian. It would help if he was locationally nearby.
3) The only men I have already met or talked to that meet even the minimal standards of my being attracted are married, don't live close enough, or are gay. (Ironicly I get the most online romance from the gay person.)
4) And finally, my emotional needs are being met, between Brian, and the folks I am having torrid online love affairs with. That sort of makes it so a man who would want to come in would have to bring other resources. It may sound wrong, but honestly, I don't *need* more sex. I need new glasses, and a new scanner, and camera, and suchlike. If I met a man who blew my doors off, but was poor, he'd still have to be at least self sustaining. We can't afford a child, we damn sure can't afford to adopt no adult.
So in a nut shell, that is the answer for anyone who wonders why Shannon says she's poly, but doesn't have a boyfriend (or girlfriend). I don't have a craving for new romance. I don't need the drama. I want extra helpings of security, and affection, and I'm willing to reciprocate, but I don't *need* extra. Not in the sense that I'm not getting any now. I'm open, but I'm waiting...not searching.
