*hides under a bed, and growls at people*

Dear Discount Hotel Patrons,

When you book online through Expedia, or Travelocity, or other online room brokers, you *still* should call and confirm your reservations. In fact, it's even *more* important to call, because these online brokers do not access our booking computers and magicly make things appear. No. They send us a Fax containing your information. If you made an error, then they made an error, and therefor we can make one. If someone on their end made an error, we can only go on what we were sent. And God only knows this bunch of misfits can't even check people out of the system with 100% accuracy. So check back. OH..and especially call us if you make a change to the original contract. Because sometimes that comes to us as two different reservations. Like today. And don't give me attitude. It wasn't my mistake.

Dear Timeshare Guests,

Yes, you! The asshole that came here because of signing up with a Time Share company that supposedly gives you free nights in a hotel. No, the room is not miraculously free! They have a contract with us to pay the room charge, but you pay the taxes. Your room is about 8 dollars a night to you. I'm sorry if someone didn't tell you over at the time share place. I'm sorry if they somehow confused you, or gave you a hard time. But, let's get this clear. I do not work for them! They have a contract for rooms for us. I do not know anything about their product. I do not know how their tour runs. I don't know who is in charge. I don't even know their phone number. You're going to have access to the beach, two pools, and a nice clean room for yourself and your 6 rude kids, so don't complain to me that there is no continental breakfast.

Dear Orange Guy,

Coming in to the front office to offer us oranges that you picked is sweet. Coming in to offer us oranges 5 or 6 times in 3 hours is creepy. Please find something else to do?

Dear People Who Created The Booking Program,

Were you smoking crack when you made this monstrocity? I can't access the availability, and prices without starting an entire reservation, and I can't start a reservation from the availability page? Thank you so much for creating a piece of shit. I hate you.

Signed,
Front Desk Clerk

Found in pleasuregelf's old dryer lint

What type of Fae are you?

Quotes (I'm bored. Can you tell?)

"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down." Rita Rudner

"I'm a tidy sort of bloke. I don't like chaos. I kept records in the record rack, tea in the tea caddy, and pot in the pot box." George Harrison

"I went to a friend's house. He said, "You have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity, got me again. You know how bad I wanna sleep on the wall." Mitch Hedberg

Two that I like from Robert A. Heinlein

"'Love' is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."

"Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated of nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing - with "obscenity" and "indecent exposure" fighting it out for the second and third place."

~~~~~~~~

"People always fear change. People feared electricity when it was invented, didn't they? People feared coal, they feared gas-powered engines... There will always be ignorance, and ignorance leads to fear. But with time, people will come to accept their silicon masters." Bill Gates

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead." Lucille Ball